I forgot what 7am looked like.

Today is the first time in a long time I've had to wake up before 8. I was really surprised at having a hard time falling to sleep last night. The jitters are here again-- and early. I thought I wouldn't be nervous for my second year of pre-planning. But I am.

There's so much to think about, and my brain was trying to process it all last night. Primarily, I thought about how my room assignment is different from last year (no idea why), and I definitely did not prepare my room for moving in June (bulletin boards still decorated, etc). Hopefully it won't be too much of an inconvenience for whoever is moving into my old room.

I am excited though. I don't know what the next months hold, but I look forward to seeing God at work in my classroom.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

Class List is In

I have my schedule, and I have my class roles.

I am recording my initial impressions. It will be interesting to see how they pan out. Are my instincts spot on or way off?

I have 9 students that I taught last year. I'm excited to have them again, but a little nervous because there are a lot of things that I want to do differently this year, and I worry that it will be a challenge for the students who are used to me doing things one way. The good news is that these students are all in my Lit/LA classes and I taught them writing last year. SO they don't really know what to expect from me in a Lit/LA setting.

There was only one student who I thought I probably shouldn't teach again, and he's in my class again. I feel totally willing to give him a fresh start, but I'm not sure he (or his mom) will be prepared to do the same. I'm up for it if they are, though. I imagine that when I point the situation out to my AP, he will transfer the student out of my class. He knew all about that interesting dynamic. Plus, the mom did say, "______ learned so much in her class and produced the best writing he has ever done.... but we don't think he should have her again next year."

Anyway. Other than that, I'm very excited. I'm glad to have names that I can specifically pray for.

God is not a Gumball Machine

As I'm looking at the new school year looming, I must admit I feel more apprehension than excitement. I do not feel ready for another year like last year, even though in some ways, last year was really remarkable (for a first year).

I really do believe that next year will be better. It has to be. I think maybe, though, it's like eating the first piece of carrot cake after the last one you ate (years ago) made you sick. You know, logically, that whatever made the earlier cake bad is probably not in this cake--- but how can you separate that knowledge from the vividness of the experience?

Anyway, as I've been trying to mentally psych myself up for this next year, I've been trying frantically to get all my ducks in a row, have all these great new ideas ready to go... and it's been frustrating. In my graspings, I stumbled across this great site: http://mspowell.blogspot.com/

It's a collection of devotionals for teachers, and the ones for returning to school have been really helpful. I'm remembering that I don't have to have it all together. I am falling into the trap again of praying that God will give me everything I think I need for me to do my job the way I think I need to do it. Instead, I need to be praying for His hand on my classroom-- His leadership and guidance and provision. I know I can ask for the tools that I think I'd like to have, but I also need to remember he's not a gumball machine. He isn't there just to give me a little help here and there when I need it. He is my foundation, my life-giver, the Lord of all I encounter.

This is a lesson I started to learn last year, and I am hoping to really immerse myself in it and refuse to buy into the idea that to be a good teacher I must worry and work myself into a frenzy. I think my satisfaction and my desire to be an effective teacher are much simpler to achieve than the ways I've been chasing them:

Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.

Psalm 1:1-3

I do not have to know everything there is to know about being a good teacher. I simply must avoid what I know to be detrimental and surround and submerge myself with what I know to be good: the ways of our Father.

Well, so much for that.

At the beginning of the year, I was searching for blogs by first year teachers and never really found one. Now I know why.

First year teachers haven't got the time to blog!!!!

I do regret not making the time to post about some of my more interesting events (like having the bee stuck in my hair while I was teaching), but I am giving myself grace in the matter. After all, blogging was not (and should not have been) as high on my list of priorities as... oh, say... refraining from inflicting bodily harm. (I kid, I kid).

It's been a good year over all. I have learned so much--more than my kids, I expect.

But I'm signed up to do it all again next year.

Maybe I'll have some time this summer to reflect....