The Importance of Proofreading

What I just caught as I read over an email I was about to send to a parent:

Hell Mr. Smith,
I just wanted to touch base about Tommy's grade.....

That would have been a nice one.

Fun with Homophones and Homonyms, Part II

I noticed prints left in the flour. 

I noticed Prince left in the flower.

Fun with Homophones and Homonyms

Sam has two Polish pins. 

Sam has to polish pens. 

What I Think about Teaching

I love being a teacher.  I'm enjoying one of the best things about it right now.  I have to admit, it's pretty great to see a boost in my checking account twice a month... while I'm lounging at the pool, reading in my hammock, planting things in my garden, and sleeping til 10.

Now, as the end of summer starts to appear on the horizon, I have to admit that there's a tiny bit of dread setting in, too.  I feel like summer just started! I'm not ready to go back to school! There's so many items remaining on my to-do list!

But I know by the time August rolls around, I'll be ready.  And in the meantime, I think I'll remind myself of why I know being a teacher is the perfect career for me:

• Summer. I know I already said it, but it's so wonderful to still have room in my life to do the things that make me who I am-- besides an English teacher.
• Identity. When I meet someone and tell them what I do, they already know a lot about me and what I value. 
• Challenge.  There are always new problems to conquer, always a way to improve, to tweak.   There's so much information out there about how to improve as a teacher. There are so many cases in which I can just examine my own methods and apply tactics I know will be more effective. There's always a way to be better.   It's true that, as a perfectionist, at times this aspect of the job is really hard for me.  Nothing's ever good enough.  The job is never done. However, it forces me to examine myself not only as a teacher, but to grow as a person. Speaking of growing as a person....
• Personal Growth: .Man, there are so many ways being a teacher has made me a better person.
• Addressing Conflict:  I hate conflict.   In my personal life, I have always tried to avoid it. In my career, though, it is very clear to me that in order to be the best teacher I can be, I have to stand up for myself and what I believe is in the best interest of my students.  This has helped me tremendously in becoming a more assertive person.  
• I recently got an email with a parent complaining about my choice for summer reading.  It was respectful and considerate, but it made me feel terrible and anxious. I really had to think about how to respond in a way that honored the parent's concern, but explained my point-of-view as well.  I was able to (hopefully) respond kindly without completely backing down, which I've been known to do. This is good practice for me. Maybe in the future I won't feel so shaken any time my choices are questioned. ( I hope so. It feels awful)
• I once had a student whose mother was clearly writing his papers for him.  I was able to confront her because I felt strongly enough about the disservice she was doing her child that it was worth  enduring the discomfort of a painful conversation.
• Becoming more thick-skinned.  One of the hardest things about my first year teaching was the emotional burden of managing 100 different relationships with teenagers.  Sometimes they say mean things. Sometimes the lesson goes poorly. Sometimes I made wrong conclusions about a student.  Sometimes I tried to do nice things for them and they were ungrateful and rude.  As a result, I cried. A lot.  I took it all personally. If they were rude, it really hurt my feelings.  If I made a mistake, I felt I was the worst person ever to try to teach adolescents.  Eventually, I had to realize that if I kept letting it all get to me, I wouldn't last very long.  I don't know how it happened exactly, but over the last 4 years, I've learned, to some extent, to let things go a little easier. I know I still have a long way to go in this arena, but school definitely makes me cry a lot less than it used to.  That has to be a good sign, right?
• Recognizing My Strengths and Weaknesses:  Being in charge of a class really highlights some of the things I'm terrible at,  but I also see much more clearly the things I'm really good at.  Teaching  plays to my strengths (creativity, desire to help, compassion, bossiness  :) , morningpersonness). And asks me to be better at things I really value but sometimes struggle with (organization, sensitivity/knowing where a person is coming from & what they need, assertiveness, flexibility)

What about having an impact?  This is the part they always tell you is so rewarding about being a teacher, and so far, I've experienced  a few examples of this, and it certainly does feel good.  But, honestly,  the moments when I really sense that what I'm doing "really matters" are few and far between. So while I do love feeling oh-so-important, I can't say it's a major player in my job-satisfaction.  I  do hope I'm making an impact, more than I can easily express... but if that's the only thing I liked about my job, it'd be pretty hard to drag myself to work every morning.

It's just a pretty awesome gig, really: I get to be with really neat kids all day, talking about things I am nutty about.   I'll have to write more about those two things sometime... the kids and the content. Because really, those are the best part of my job, and I just ran out of steam before I got to write about them!

Student Evaluations

I remember complaining about teachers when I was in high school. Ugh! I hate how Mrs. Stokes never even reads any of the stuff we turn in. Don't you think Mr. Thomson is totally sexist? Ms. Bates really doesn't explain the homework. I have no idea what I'm even supposed to be doing! Ms. Porter has, like, no control over the class. I could like walk out of here and she wouldn't even notice. Have you ever noticed how Mr. Jones says "if you will" every other sentence? Mr. Davis's class is soooooo boring. Gah!

It never occurred to me that these teachers might not have known their students thought those things about them or their classes. It never occurred to me that they weren't doing it on purpose. Now, I know, as a student, my evaluations may not have always been fair, but I think some of those insights were really valid.

Now that I'm a teacher, I realize how very little opportunity there is for evaluation. How do you know what you're doing wrong? Even if you're observed 2-3 times a year, there's no way an administrator can know all that is or isn't happening in your classroom after spending one class period with you. The people who really know what's happening are the students. And while they don't have the same perspective an adult might have on education, they still have a lot to offer.

At least that's what I've found.

At the end of the school year, I ask my students to write on a piece of paper the things I could improve for the next year. I tell them they can certainly tell me the things I'm doing right, but the most helpful comments will tell me what I need to work on, too. I tell them they can be honest, but they have to be courteous. I tell them they can try to disguise their handwriting if they want, and they don't have to put their names on it.

I tell them I really want an outside perspective on what's working and what's not. I tell them it's ok to say, "Sometimes you are harsh and people are afraid to ask questions," but not ok to say "You're a terrible teacher and everyone hates you."

Each time, I have been pleased to receive a collection of helpful, challenging, and encouraging notes. The first time I did it, I was really nervous. In some ways, the art of constructive criticism is a lot to ask of a 14 year old . And I do have feelings, and they get hurt sometimes. But they have done it so well. I've certainly had my share of student conflicts, so I've been surprised that I've never had a student write anything that was just mean. (I sometimes wonder why they haven't taken that opportunity to get back at me...) What's more impressive to me, though, is just how many students have managed to offer real suggestions in a thoughtful, mature, respectful way.

Of course I get some predictable (and very brief) answers, like "Too much homework!" or "good job overall!" But I also receive numerous comments like "I know we have a lot to cover in class, but sometimes it's really confusing when we have two units going on at the same time, like when we read Fahrenheit 451 and were working on poetry." or "When we have so much homework, it's hard to focus on doing it right. It seems like you forget we have other classes, and so we just have to cram it all in and rush to get it done" or "Sometimes you go over grammar too fast and think everyone understands because the people who do get it are the ones who speak up."

Those are exactly the kinds of things that are so valuable to me. And it's amazing how much more impact a respectful, thoughtful note has.

This activity is so useful to me, but I think it might also be helpful for the students, which I hadn't really considered until now.

Analysis Paralysis

I'm trying to make plans for the upcoming school year.

I have a lot of ideas I'm excited about.

I am stuck.

I want to take a new approach to some things. I have a couple books I'd like to read. In particular, I want to get through Understanding by Design (UbD), which my principal gave me last year; he's hoping to eventually shift the school to that approach. I'm very excited about the ideas in the book, but it's a significant text, and I'm having a hard time making myself plow through it. As a result, I'm not getting much planning done either, since I expect my ideas will be influenced and improved once I've read the book.

Here's why I'm excited about it: It's all about tackling lessons with the end result in mind; instead of generating a test over what you ended up teaching, you design your evaluations first with big picture questions in mind: When my students finish this unit, what do I want them to understand? What skills do I want them to have? What big ideas should they be pondering?

Then you design your evaluations. Once you've decided how you want to evaluate them, you create lessons and activities accordingly that will prepare them to learn the material and master the skills you have already decided they need to know. It's different from the disdained "teaching to the test" approach since the tests in this case will actually evaluate their understanding of the most important skills and concepts, not just ask them to memorize facts that are easy to test over (guilty!).

It sounds pretty obvious. It makes sense. Maybe most teachers work this way anyway, but I certainly didn't this year. Being new to my school, coaching two sports, and creating a curriculum for the first time, I was all too often struggling to stay one step ahead of my students. While they read book 9 of the Odyssey, I was reading book 10 and writing comprehension questions for the next day's homework. I'm not beating myself up; you gotta do what you gotta do. But it wasn't a great system, and because I was just keeping my head above water, I didn't do a lot of the things that I know would have been great. I didn't have time to plan a lot of activities or think deeply about the best approach to a short story or to find connections in media to share. Also, my tests didn't really assess any kind of higher level thinking. Instead, they asked the students to regurgitate the answers to the study questions I had so frantically prepared for them---because that's what I had to pull from as I was writing my tests.

I have forgiven myself for not having the best approaches. I really didn't have time to read and apply UbD this year. I didn't have time to incorporate a lot of the things I wanted to do. I did the best I could. And I recognize that I still had a pretty successful year in many ways. But it's year two now, and I seem to have no grace left for myself.

I am determined, it seems, to be perfect this year. To do everything right that I did wrong last year. After all, I know what I'm teaching. I have generated lots of resources that I have time to tweak. I have time to create activities. I have time to do it right. I have no excuse to not to. I have time to ponder what the best approach is instead of taking whatever the easiest approach is. Except time's running out. I mean, I still have 5 weeks, but that's not very long to become the perfect teacher. And I also want to do some gardening. And read books in my hammock. And sleep late.

Right now, I'm terribly stuck and frustrated with that. I want to ingest the whole UbD book, but at some point, I'm actually going to have to do some of this planning instead of just thinking about it. I'm also going to have to stop entertaining all the ideas for all the possible ways I could do things and pick one so I can actually get some concretes in place."If I taught poetry first, then they'd have a great foundation for analysis.....but if I teach short stories first, we can ease into it..... but if I teach mythology first and teach poetry at the same time, then that will..... " You get the idea. Basically, I don't have all the answers yet, so how can I make any plans?

If you haven't noticed, I'm teasing myself a bit here. My intentions are good. I want to learn. I want to be informed. But if I don't start doing something, it's going to be a repeat of last year--- I will be so strapped for time that I just end up doing what's simplest.

Video Conference

I am very happy. I just completed a video conference with Phil Toledano, a photographer and author who created "Days with My Father," a photo essay we studied in our non-fiction unit.

It went well. So well. Better than I dared hope. I was so nervous that my kids would be bored, be inappropriate, be disrespectful... but Phil was amazing with them, and they loved him. He answered their questions, made them feel comfortable, and really engaged them.

The experience really reinforced a lot of my thoughts about teaching: You can say the wisest, most useful things, but if you can't get them to pay attention to you, they won't get any of it.

I can make them be quiet, but I can't make them really listen to me. To be successful, I have to make them want to listen to me. I have to entertain them. Whenever possible, I have to hold their attention, not demand it.

Phil did just that. He was funny and just edgy enough, but he wasn't just funny and edgy. He offered meaningful insights on aging, respecting our parents and grandparents, and gave useful advice about writing and art.

But he also shared an impression of a valley girl commenting on how large her derriere looked in a certain skirt--an impression I know my kids will be quoting for weeks, though I imagine it will be edited a bit when they're in earshot of a teacher.

Now, the kids probably won't be able to quote everything he said with such accuracy. For instance, I don't expect they could tell me exactly what he said about how to begin a photo essay or recite his words on the value of family. But they heard it, and they will remember some of it-- way more of it, I would bet, than if he had repeated all his answers twice, but had been boring.

Is being entertaining requisite to being a good teacher? I don't know. Maybe not. I've had great teachers that weren't particularly hilarious. But maybe they were still engaging somehow. Those aren't necessarily the same thing...

At least for me, for my personality, my set of gifts, I feel that working to be entertaining is something I have to do if I'm going to be as effective as I can be in my classroom.

So, it's been a while

I haven't posted in a long long time, and a lot has changed since then.

I left my first school, and I am teaching now at a Christian school where I am much much happier. I am in the third year of being a "real teacher," and I am amazed at how much easier it is to do once you've been at it a little while.

I'm facing again a lot of the new-teacher struggles I faced 2 years ago since I'm at a different school, but it is no comparison to the battle it was for me to be a first time teacher.

I'm teaching ninth-grade now, and I have so much more freedom in my curriculum. It is wonderful! It's a lot of work for me this year, since I'm generating my own tests, homework, quizzes, etc, but it is worth it. Next year, I think I will have to come up with some time saving tactics because I'm not sure this is a sustainable lifestyle, with coaching (did I mention I'm also coaching track and cross-country?), grading, planning, etc, but I am happy.

I have moments--days or weeks at a time, sometimes-- when I feel overwhelmed, incapable, and discouraged, but that's no longer my default. For the most part, I am excited to be learning and improving, enjoying my students, and happy to come to work.

I forgot what 7am looked like.

Today is the first time in a long time I've had to wake up before 8. I was really surprised at having a hard time falling to sleep last night. The jitters are here again-- and early. I thought I wouldn't be nervous for my second year of pre-planning. But I am.

There's so much to think about, and my brain was trying to process it all last night. Primarily, I thought about how my room assignment is different from last year (no idea why), and I definitely did not prepare my room for moving in June (bulletin boards still decorated, etc). Hopefully it won't be too much of an inconvenience for whoever is moving into my old room.

I am excited though. I don't know what the next months hold, but I look forward to seeing God at work in my classroom.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

Class List is In

I have my schedule, and I have my class roles.

I am recording my initial impressions. It will be interesting to see how they pan out. Are my instincts spot on or way off?

I have 9 students that I taught last year. I'm excited to have them again, but a little nervous because there are a lot of things that I want to do differently this year, and I worry that it will be a challenge for the students who are used to me doing things one way. The good news is that these students are all in my Lit/LA classes and I taught them writing last year. SO they don't really know what to expect from me in a Lit/LA setting.

There was only one student who I thought I probably shouldn't teach again, and he's in my class again. I feel totally willing to give him a fresh start, but I'm not sure he (or his mom) will be prepared to do the same. I'm up for it if they are, though. I imagine that when I point the situation out to my AP, he will transfer the student out of my class. He knew all about that interesting dynamic. Plus, the mom did say, "______ learned so much in her class and produced the best writing he has ever done.... but we don't think he should have her again next year."

Anyway. Other than that, I'm very excited. I'm glad to have names that I can specifically pray for.

God is not a Gumball Machine

As I'm looking at the new school year looming, I must admit I feel more apprehension than excitement. I do not feel ready for another year like last year, even though in some ways, last year was really remarkable (for a first year).

I really do believe that next year will be better. It has to be. I think maybe, though, it's like eating the first piece of carrot cake after the last one you ate (years ago) made you sick. You know, logically, that whatever made the earlier cake bad is probably not in this cake--- but how can you separate that knowledge from the vividness of the experience?

Anyway, as I've been trying to mentally psych myself up for this next year, I've been trying frantically to get all my ducks in a row, have all these great new ideas ready to go... and it's been frustrating. In my graspings, I stumbled across this great site: http://mspowell.blogspot.com/

It's a collection of devotionals for teachers, and the ones for returning to school have been really helpful. I'm remembering that I don't have to have it all together. I am falling into the trap again of praying that God will give me everything I think I need for me to do my job the way I think I need to do it. Instead, I need to be praying for His hand on my classroom-- His leadership and guidance and provision. I know I can ask for the tools that I think I'd like to have, but I also need to remember he's not a gumball machine. He isn't there just to give me a little help here and there when I need it. He is my foundation, my life-giver, the Lord of all I encounter.

This is a lesson I started to learn last year, and I am hoping to really immerse myself in it and refuse to buy into the idea that to be a good teacher I must worry and work myself into a frenzy. I think my satisfaction and my desire to be an effective teacher are much simpler to achieve than the ways I've been chasing them:

Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.

Psalm 1:1-3

I do not have to know everything there is to know about being a good teacher. I simply must avoid what I know to be detrimental and surround and submerge myself with what I know to be good: the ways of our Father.

Well, so much for that.

At the beginning of the year, I was searching for blogs by first year teachers and never really found one. Now I know why.

First year teachers haven't got the time to blog!!!!

I do regret not making the time to post about some of my more interesting events (like having the bee stuck in my hair while I was teaching), but I am giving myself grace in the matter. After all, blogging was not (and should not have been) as high on my list of priorities as... oh, say... refraining from inflicting bodily harm. (I kid, I kid).

It's been a good year over all. I have learned so much--more than my kids, I expect.

But I'm signed up to do it all again next year.

Maybe I'll have some time this summer to reflect....

First Year Teacher Blues

I was loving it loving it for the first nine weeks or so. Tired, but loving it. Now it's catching up to me.

I'm exhausted all the time, often feel like I'm doing a terrible job, am starved for encouragement at school, and my focus is forcibly skewed so that I complete all the paper work, perfectly and on time. As long as I do this, no one will notice me (unless they're yelling at me in the lunch room for not unplugging my air freshener). Reaching children ceases to be the objective of my profession and becomes an obstruction to my "real" duty, which is completing their individual student records, progress reports(every third week), cumulative cards, etc etc, and of course I do need them to take the occasional test so that I have something to report on. And oh yeah, if they learn anything in the process, great!

Yikes. Sorry about that. The point is, I am in the middle of a valley and it stinks (and it's not just the adolescents after recess). I haven't figured out how to balance the things I must do to meet my school's (and my students' parents') expectations and the things I thought I would be doing when I decided to be a teacher (um, like...teach?). I've just been very disappointed about how discouraging this most "rewarding" of all careers has been so far. BUT, (and this is a big but), although this is a crappy place to be, I really feel that I'm starting to work my way out. I know God's hand is on my life, and I see the ways He's teaching me and sustaining me. I need to cling to his provision because I get the feeling that this is not going to be a feeling that I get over quickly. I've had a few great days in the past few weeks, but I'm in survival mode for the majority of the others. I recognize that it won't always be like this though. I was so confident and really enjoyed my job at the beginning of the year, and although my energy is running low, I know that I'm cut out to be a teacher, and that I won't always be so miserable at this and with this.

The truth is, I do like my kids for the most part-- my liking them is not the primary problem (although their sometimes snarky attitudes don't help on a bad day). I just feel the pressure and feel like I'm not measuring up.

Lately I feel like there's been a mixture of really random awful things and really random good things happening to me at school. It feels like a battle, like I'm being attacked, but have someone on my side. Know what I mean?

The good news is, my life outside of school, mostly my marriage, has never been happier. My husband is an amazing spiritual leader for me, and he's been so patient and encouraging and I really don't know how I would be getting through this year without him. He's really helped me lately learn to do what I need to do to leave school at school. I stay late a couple days a week to prevent taking any schoolwork home with me, and that has made such a huge difference. It's helped me learn to separate my home life from my work, which was beginning to consume my mind in really frustrating (and sleepless) ways. I try not to talk about school too much outside of school, and I've been working really hard to avoid thinking about all those little things that tend to wake me up in the middle of the night. There's been a lot of improvement in this area, which I am so thankful for. It's just the 8-11 hours that I'm at school each day that are tough now.

Anyway, it feels good to send an update, even if it is a bit dismal, scattered, and profuse.

I think that although I know this time is going to continue to be a struggle for me, I feel optimistic and that I'm learning a lot and that I'll have the sustenance and provision I need to survive and eventually (hopefully!) thrive.

Did I mention that I'm exhausted?

Onward and Forward

I wish it was Monday evening right now. Tomorrow night, I will have survived my first day of school, and I think I will be able to breathe a lot easier.

My husband asked me yesterday if I thought I was more nervous than my most nervous student. Good question, I think.

Considering I have several new students in my homeroom and a couple in my classes, I would have to say that I have at least a few students who are more nervous about tomorrow than I am. I would be willing to bet, though, that I am at least as nervous, probably more, than the rest of my students.

So what is it exactly that I'm so nervous about? I'm not really sure. I think it's mostly that I know I don't know everything I probably should know. I'm pretty sure something will come up that I didn't think about, that I don't have a plan for.

And, that will have to be okay. There are going to be things that I do wrong or that I don't know how to do at all, and I'll just have to do like we learned to do in high school drama-- if you mess up, just keep going...

The truth is, I really believe I'm going to be a good teacher. I just have to survive the procedures, the paperwork, the orientation, the learning of the systems. I'm very excited, too. I'm mostly ready to have this first day done with because then I will have done it once and surely can do it again, and better.

The Safety Net

Ok, I admit it: I'm a huge worrier.

I was kind of surprised with my schedule when I got it (teaching more subjects that I expected), and I've been really concerned that I'm going to be overwhelmed.

So, I finally followed my husband's advice and called my principal to talk it over. I didn't really expect him to do anything about it, and I was right. But I also knew that what I mostly wanted was a pep-talk, and I got it. He reminded me that they have a lot of confidence in me, and if I ever get too overwhelmed, he'll figure out a way to help me, like having someone cover my study hall for example.

Nothing has really changed, except that now I realize I have a safety net. I know that if ever I am so slammed that I think I can't make it, there's help. I think that just knowing that is enough. Know what I mean?

If you're in a difficult situation, and you know you are on your own no matter how bad it gets, it feels hopeless pretty quick. I think you can bear a lot more when you know there's relief available if you really need it.

Fake It 'til You Make It

Every time I was placed in a new assignment as a long-term sub last year, I freaked out. I thought, "What? Teaching Computers? I don't know enough to teach it. " or "What? Third-graders? How will I manage them?"



Then a seasoned teacher offered this sage advice: "fake it 'til you make it." So I did. I waded through the first weeks of each assignment, and eventually it turned out.



When I started my last (and most daunting) placement, teaching first-grade for the last 6 weeks of the year and compiling all of the end-of-the-year paperwork, I was able to acknowledge that the overwhelming feeling of inadequacy would soon subside and that I would only hate my life for a few more days before everything started to fall into place.

I sure hope I experience the same phenomenon...

Here's to faking it!

Anxiety

Has it ever occurred to you that teachers are often just as nervous about a new school year as their students are? It hadn't to me either, until recently. I'll be a middle school English teacher in two weeks, and I have literally been having nightmares about the first day of school.

Does it seem to you that students perceive teachers as being above emotion? When I was in school, I never imagined that nervousness or insecurity or flat-out fear were feelings that adults, much less teachers, were capable of experiencing. I, for one, will be relying on that oblivion of adolescence come August 13th.