Onward and Forward

I wish it was Monday evening right now. Tomorrow night, I will have survived my first day of school, and I think I will be able to breathe a lot easier.

My husband asked me yesterday if I thought I was more nervous than my most nervous student. Good question, I think.

Considering I have several new students in my homeroom and a couple in my classes, I would have to say that I have at least a few students who are more nervous about tomorrow than I am. I would be willing to bet, though, that I am at least as nervous, probably more, than the rest of my students.

So what is it exactly that I'm so nervous about? I'm not really sure. I think it's mostly that I know I don't know everything I probably should know. I'm pretty sure something will come up that I didn't think about, that I don't have a plan for.

And, that will have to be okay. There are going to be things that I do wrong or that I don't know how to do at all, and I'll just have to do like we learned to do in high school drama-- if you mess up, just keep going...

The truth is, I really believe I'm going to be a good teacher. I just have to survive the procedures, the paperwork, the orientation, the learning of the systems. I'm very excited, too. I'm mostly ready to have this first day done with because then I will have done it once and surely can do it again, and better.

The Safety Net

Ok, I admit it: I'm a huge worrier.

I was kind of surprised with my schedule when I got it (teaching more subjects that I expected), and I've been really concerned that I'm going to be overwhelmed.

So, I finally followed my husband's advice and called my principal to talk it over. I didn't really expect him to do anything about it, and I was right. But I also knew that what I mostly wanted was a pep-talk, and I got it. He reminded me that they have a lot of confidence in me, and if I ever get too overwhelmed, he'll figure out a way to help me, like having someone cover my study hall for example.

Nothing has really changed, except that now I realize I have a safety net. I know that if ever I am so slammed that I think I can't make it, there's help. I think that just knowing that is enough. Know what I mean?

If you're in a difficult situation, and you know you are on your own no matter how bad it gets, it feels hopeless pretty quick. I think you can bear a lot more when you know there's relief available if you really need it.

Fake It 'til You Make It

Every time I was placed in a new assignment as a long-term sub last year, I freaked out. I thought, "What? Teaching Computers? I don't know enough to teach it. " or "What? Third-graders? How will I manage them?"



Then a seasoned teacher offered this sage advice: "fake it 'til you make it." So I did. I waded through the first weeks of each assignment, and eventually it turned out.



When I started my last (and most daunting) placement, teaching first-grade for the last 6 weeks of the year and compiling all of the end-of-the-year paperwork, I was able to acknowledge that the overwhelming feeling of inadequacy would soon subside and that I would only hate my life for a few more days before everything started to fall into place.

I sure hope I experience the same phenomenon...

Here's to faking it!

Anxiety

Has it ever occurred to you that teachers are often just as nervous about a new school year as their students are? It hadn't to me either, until recently. I'll be a middle school English teacher in two weeks, and I have literally been having nightmares about the first day of school.

Does it seem to you that students perceive teachers as being above emotion? When I was in school, I never imagined that nervousness or insecurity or flat-out fear were feelings that adults, much less teachers, were capable of experiencing. I, for one, will be relying on that oblivion of adolescence come August 13th.